Let's Be NBC's Dateline!!

I'm the victim's husband. After hearing the tragic news I was so destroyed by it that I just had to mysteriously disappear for 3-4 hours.

I'm the victim's fellow frau best friend who talks about how "she had a big heart and was a devoted mother".

I'm the third week of August on Maple Canyon Road, when the time slows and heat lingers and the anticipation of a new school year hangs heavy in the air. I'm a quiet time, in a quiet part of the city, on the kind of street where everyone knows everyone else's business, where secrets simmer just below the surface, where a friendly conversation with a neighbor might end in a new recipe for apple pie, or a salacious piece of gossip, or even ... in a premonition that portends murder.

I'm the GPS that tracks every move the killer made, the stupid dumbass didn't even think about this.

I'm the children she would have NEVER left.

I am the abusive husband who says to the tv camera i love and miss her, please come home.( as she is rotting in the shallow grave he dug a week ago)

I'm the clueless spouse of a serial murderer prolifically binding, torturing and killing his victims in our basement over the span of twenty years. It's perfectly normal for a man to need a constant supply of duct tape and rope, and disappear for hours in the middle of the night.

I'm the hard drive! There's plenty of violent, degrading porn on me, but remember, that doesn't prove anything!

I’m the well in the back yard. No one wants to think about me now but I am going to be famous for at least two weeks if anybody ever figures out what I’ve got deep, deep inside.

I'm the victim. To hear my friends and family talk, I never failed to walk into a room without lighting it up. You NOTICED when I was there!

I’m the distraught husband who married another woman the day after my former wife was brutally murdered. I’m devastated by what happened…even though I’ve completely moved on and am probably happier than I’ve ever been.

I'm the $500,000 life insurance policy.

I'm the spouse and main suspect who roams free for several years before an arrest is made.

I'm the relaxed demeanor of the dead woman's husband/boyfriend after the cops leave him alone in the interrogation room and the hidden camera is still recording, of course.

I'm the Google searches for "antifreeze fatal dose," "average human body decomposition time," and "how to clean up traces of DNA."

I'm Dateline: To Catch a Predator. Sure, come on in and have some of the juice and cookies I left for you on the kitchen table. I'll be right down, I'm just finishing some laundry!

I'm the last Dateline thread just like this one that happened less than a year ago.

I'm the widow's hand always held to her head with the ginormous diamond ring. The bitch should have fucking whiplash by now from the violent way she cranks her neck down whilst simultaneously bringing me up to her face when she's about to respond to one of the stupid questions the interviewer with seven facelifts asks. She rehearsed this gesture endlessly the morning she stabbed her husband to death after discovering texts from his out of state boyfriend. She has a cast iron alibi, and will never be charged, although there's a great deal of whispering going on. The hand will go on to buckle seat belts to many destinations on private jets after she cashes in the ten million dollar life insurance settlement. She's really good at crying on cue. But she couldn't suck a cock to save her life. Hence the texts. Oh, so frigid her husband called her tits the Polar Ice Caps.

I am Andrea Canning. I'll keep having kids into my 50s

I'm the small safe town with one stop sign and everyone knows each other

I'm the creek where kids come to smoke weed

I'm the cold case that nobody forgets about

I'm the flyers with the victim's face

I'm the candlelight vigil. Sometimes the husband won't attend me, because he's "too distraught", but other times, he'll show up, and even though my lighting ain't the best, attendees will search his face for signs of guilt.

I'm the "perfect husband".

I can't image ever having a close relative or friend get murdered and then going on this TV show and discussing it as a form of entertainment for the nation, the whole concept is beyond bizarre to me.

I'm the victim. I had a smile for everyone and would give you the shirt off my back if you needed help.

I'm the victim's sassy best friend, and when I heard about the murder I told the investigators, "He did it. The bastard finally did it!"

I'm the wire they wear while trying to get the suspected killer to confess

I'm the feelings of guilt you have because you think the killer is hot as hell and you imagine what fucking him would be like.

I'm the batshit crazy eyes that should've been your first red flag that the bitch was a total psycho.

I'm Andrea Canning's face, pulled tighter than a drum.

I'm this week's show that consists almost entirely of material recorded decades ago, with a few minutes of updates thrown in at the end. I am more or less a glorified repeat.

I'm the Red State hellhole towns so many of these murders take place in.

I'm the sturdy fence post or tree trunk (palm tree if in Florida). The crew has been looking around, trying to find me. Keith Morrison needs a post or a trunk to lean on as he begins to tell this tale of murder.

I'm the blue ribbons everyone wears. "It was her favorite color".

I'm the girls' night out at the neighborhood bar. This was the last time Sharla was seen alive. There was a guy on the other side of the bar (Brad), staring at Sharla all night. But Brad's got an alibi. His mom said he came home at 12:30 a.m., just as she was turning off the TV and heading to bed.

I'm the water bottle. The police is digging through the trash to find me because I have the suspect's DNA

I am the surveillance footage from the local Walmart that shows the victim's husband purchasing a shovel, duct tape, Hefty bags, bleach, and a half litre of Mountain Dew.

I'm the feathered hair in the faded wedding portrait-- on both the bride and the groom.

R2 set the bar way too high 🤣

I am those "Coming Up...." preview segments. Do people watch me or do they fast-forward when I'm on?

I'm the drone shot of the sleepy little Midwest town where the murder took place.

I'm the best friend with a heart of gold that gently places flowers on the victims grave.

I'm the frizzy, fried hair on all the Flyover ladies.

I guess in the deep, dark recesses of our minds- we all fear our relationships are false and sinister.

I'm the hot AF prosecutor/District Attorney who gives you lustful thoughts.

I'm the town oddball who was briefly a suspect before being cleared by CCTV evidence. No, I'm not bitter, and I've taught everyone an important lesson about not judging a book by its cover.

I'm the Gas Chromatograph Mass Spectrometer.....

Whoops, sorry. I'm actually one of the stars of Forensic Files, not Dateline.

I'm a lie-detector test. Yes, I know I'm inadmissable in court, but I'm still featured on the show repeatedly.

[quote] I'm the hot AF prosecutor/District Attorney who gives you lustful thoughts.

Aww, thanks ...

I'm the dead end the police chases and the episode wants you to believe did it.. until the last 20 minutes when the actual killer is revealed

i'm the phrase "weeks passed, still nothing..."

I’m Keith Morrison’s glorious, creepy, elder vocal fry.

I'm the teenage son who was briefly a suspect. A lot of the viewers still think I did it.

I'm the old music and news clips that play when the narrator talks about what it was like the year that the murder happened.

I'm that person who is presented as a distraction. The case has been made about suspect A, and now the show introduces me, Suspect B, and asks could I have done it instead of Suspect A. After about ten minutes of this, the show delivers the conclusion that, nah, it couldn't have been me after all. The show just ruined my reputation, but it's nothing personal, they just had an extra ten minutes they had to fill.

I'm the dumb bitch who read about the case in the paper who goes to the cops claiming to have had a psychic vision of the murder giving the cops all the evidence they need to make arrest.

I am the retard cop who defends this decision even after the real killer is caught and confesses.

I'm the 80s/90s photos of the murder victim. If the victim were alive they would die of embarrassment.

I’m the victim who was born the same year as you were. I give you pause to think about your life and how well you have lived it, or not.

I’m the cornfed, new detective, just promoted, and assigned to look at cold cases. I’m going to notice evidence that no other police officer ever noticed.

Not in keeping with the theme of this type thread, but why is it there are now so few new crimes profiled on these new crime shows? Is it that modern technology has made finding the perp so easy that there’s no longer the whodunnit element that informed so much of this genre?

I’m the grisled, older detective who promised the victim’s family that I wouldn’t retire until I cracked this case.

I’m retiring and the case us still unsolved.

Officially, I need to spend more time with my grandchildren and pursuing my hobbies, like hunting.

Unofficially, my wife recently found out that I have a 2nd family on the other side of town. I need to salvage what I can out if this can of worms.

Also, frankly, gout and my low back are killing me.

I'm the B-shots that these show set up, with the mother of a murdered child filmed walking along a beach and staring out into the sunset. I'm the viewer who thinks about the producer who had to explain to a grieving parent that they need her to do another take and that it bothers me. I kind of feel that the parent is being used - being asked to put aside their crushing despair so that Dateline has enough footage to fill the hour.

I also know that the parent could have said "kiss my ass" but wants their story to reach a large audience, in the interest of justice and awareness. I think too much about true crime shows!

I'm the missing daughter. The pic they use is a professionally shot portrait, and I'm dressed like a doll from 150 years ago.

I'm The Husband/Boyfriend Did It Show. I'm the real title.

I’m Natalie Morales with my horrible intonation & accent!

I'm Lester Holt. I announce that Keith Morrison or Andrea Canning will be doing the heavy lifting on this episode. Keith and Andrea can actually just introduce themselves.

Why I'm (Lester Holt) here, only I know for sure.

I'm the red flags. Yes, I was apparent right at the start of the relationship, but did anyone pay attention to me?